Being Right: What’s It Worth to You?

How important is it to you to be right? Have you ever experienced that whoosh of adrenaline when your thoughts, feelings, or predictions are proven correct? I was right. You were wrong. I have devoted a great deal of energy in hot pursuit of these seemingly magical words. In these moments of righteous indignation, I hold my head up high, puff out my chest, and feel immense pride.

Being right can feel pretty darn good, but what is the cost of privileging it above all else? What do we miss out on experiencing? What do we give up in order to have this feeling? What avoidable circumstances do we create to make sure that our thoughts are justified? How much joy and harmony do we trade for this smug feeling?

There are times in life to hold steadfast, but often there’s more to be gained by letting go. When a need to be right is strong enough, we can even create circumstances to prove our point, which may not be worth it in the end. This happened to me when I was a teenager.

My mom was unable to pick me up from an event, so she arranged for a taxi to drive me home. I protested with all my might. “Please, please, please pick me up!! Can’t so-and-so come get me? Please don’t make me take a taxi.” (I wasn’t keen on an expensive ride with a stranger.) “What about a bus? Can I take a bus home, Mom? Please!” I probably even petitioned to walk, but that was out of the question since it was miles away, and I was just thirteen years old. My mom assured me it would be fine. She made advanced arrangements with the taxi company.

When it was time for my taxi ride, I waited…and waited. I stood on the curb, twiddling my thumbs and mumbling to myself about how I wished a friend was coming to get me. Finally, the taxi arrived. He was late because he’d been at traffic court. Traffic court! As he zoomed through the parking lot, he told me he wasn’t feeling well. He’d been out late the night before…drinking. He was hungover! As he pressed the gas pedal to make it through a yellow light before it turned red, he asked me where I went to school.

I had a scholarship to a prestigious school, and many people had preconceived notions about the kind of students who attended. So, quietly, I said, “I go to Lakeside.” The-hungover-man-fresh-out-of-traffic-court-who-was-careening-down-the-road said, in his most condescending, disgusted voice, “Oh, you go to Lakeside? What do Mommy and Daddy do?” In my head I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was right about the taxi!!! I couldn’t wait to tell my mom that I was right and she was wrong.

Although the taxi ride was miserable, there was part of me that was really glad. This way I knew that I’d been right. Had it been easy or maybe even fun, I wouldn’t have been able to feel so righteous, and boy was that a good feeling.

So, I was right. But, was it worth it?

Sometimes being right feels more important than harmony and joy. I read my parents the riot act when I got home, but what did that accomplish? Did I subconsciously go out of my way to create an experience that would justify my aversion to taking the taxi? On one hand, I was an innocent child thrust into an uncomfortable situation, but on the other hand, I was completely complicit in the experience. With each misstep the taxi driver took, the more I was filled with satisfaction. Had I been less determined to prove my mom wrong, I may have actually found the ride humorous. And who’s to say I didn’t manifest the experience. How would it have been different if I’d had a different mindset from the outset? What if I’d decided to make a point of having an amazing experience? Often what we put our intention on comes to fruition. If I’d decided that having a great taxi ride was more important to me than proving to my mom that a taxi was a bad idea, then likely that would have come to pass.

What is your intention for today? Will today be filled with joy, fun, and harmony, or will you choose to be right at the expense of everything else?

Mango Shrimp Cakes with Avocado Aioli

There’s a difference between wanting to be right so badly that you forsake everything else and knowing something to be true (intuition), even if you can’t quite say why or how you know. Much of my cooking is based on intuition. I get an image (or flavor) in my mind, and I can’t let it go until I bring it to fruition. That was certainly true for this dish. I’ve never eaten aioli made with avocado and mango, but somehow I knew that it was going to be delicious…and guess what?! I was right (hehehe)! This particular combination of vegetables, mango, and shrimp mixed into a cake was also new to me, but I could feel my cooking fairies urging me along.

My mom (who is not at all biased) says this dish is the very best thing she’s ever eaten. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Makes 12 small fritters

¼ cup minced yellow onion
1/3 cup minced celery (from 2 stalks)
1/3 cup minced red bell pepper (from about ½ pepper)
1/3 cup minced mango (from about ½ fresh mango or use frozen*)
¼ tsp. chili flakes (optional)
1 tsp. artisanal salt (such as Himalayan or Celtic)
1 Tbsp. lemon juice (from ½ lemon)
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 lb. wild sustainable shrimp/prawns, diced
1 cup gluten-free breadcrumbs (made from 4 pieces of bread)*
avocado oil for frying (or other high-heat oil)

*Dry out four pieces of gluten-free bread (use white bread or one that does not have a strong flavor) in an oven at 200 degrees. Break into chunks and then blitz in a food processor fitted with chopping blade to create the crumbs.

In a large bowl, combine the onion, celery, bell pepper, mango, and chili flakes. Stir in the salt, lemon juice, and olive oil. Add the egg and stir to combine. Mix in the shrimp. Fold in the breadcrumbs. Roll the mixture into balls, approximately the size of a plum and gently press to form a “cake.” Panfry over medium to medium-high heat, approximately 3-5 minutes per side.

Avocado Aioli

2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 Tbsp. Olive oil
2 Tbsp. mayonnaise
1 Tbsp. lemon juice (from ½ lemon)
1 Tbsp. minced mango
1 avocado, peel and pit removed
¼ tsp. artisanal salt (such as Himalayan or Celtic)

Combine all ingredients in a food processor fitted with the chopping blade (same one you use to make the bread crumbs). Process until the aioli is smooth and unctuous. Mmm!

Mindfulness on the Mountain

The sky overhead was black, but the stars were beginning to fade. Soon the sun would rise and shed her pink light over the rugged landscape. The boulders on Mt. Kuchumaa would glow golden, and perhaps a morning mist would reveal itself in the valley between the mountain I was about to climb and the great Mt. Kuchumaa.

As I swallowed my last sip of black tea, the leader of our group hike announced that it was departure time. Like horses at the racetrack when the gates open, the hikers in my group hit the trail with a jolt. It was barely daybreak, but they were already swiftly moving, chatting, and increasing their gait at a rapid pace.

Having just rolled out of bed, I was still having difficulty focusing my eyes, let alone taking deep enough breaths to fill my lungs with oxygen. I huffed and puffed as the burn began to grow in my thighs. Already overheating, I stopped to remove my fleece shirt. By this time, the swiftly moving hikers were already far ahead and the slower few passed me as I tugged my shirt over my head.

A few years ago this would have concerned me greatly. I had a thing about always hiking in the front. I was like a trail horse that had to lead the pack. 

I’ve been going to Rancho La Puerta off and on for a number of years. It’s a health and fitness spa in Baja with an emphasis on holistic wellness. Last month I had the good fortune of spending a week as a guest chef at their cooking school, La Cocina Que Canta.

Days at the Ranch (as it’s fondly called) begin with early morning hikes. When I can drag myself out of bed before dawn, the mountain hikes are one of my favorite activities. Years ago, when I first started visiting the Ranch I would race up the mountain, always in front. The faster the people behind me hiked, the faster I would go. I privileged being in front over everything else. I subconsciously feared others would judge me if I dallied, so as I forged my way up the mountain, I rarely saw the beauty surrounding me. It took a number of years and a number of hikes before I realized no one would judge me if I walked more slowly. And even if they did, what would it matter?

I’m not as fit as I used to be, so it’s much more difficult for me to be at the front now anyway; however, I’ve also learned a valuable lesson about slowing down. It’s not always necessary to race to the end, though there are times for that. There can be great value in being more mindful and reveling in the journey.

So, on that dark morning at Rancho La Puerta last month, instead of sprinting to the finish line, I got to breathe in my surroundings, feel the morning air on my cheek, and see the colors of the sunrise. For a while I hiked alone, which offered me an opportunity to think, which is something I don’t always make time for in my daily life. And when I met up with another hiker, we ended up having a delightful conversation about mindfulness, which seemed to be a nod from the Universe.

Letting go of my need to be the lead trail horse was not easy; sometimes I still find myself worrying that others will think less of me, but when I see how enriched my life can be when I take time to go more slowly and savor what’s around me, I know I’m on the right path.

Do you ever find yourself pushing so hard to reach a destination that you miss the journey? What do you do because you fear the judgments of others? What steps can you take to bring more mindfulness into your life?

Fresh Spring Rolls for Mindfulness

Nothing says, “spring isn’t too far away” quite like spring rolls! This is one of the recipes I taught in my cooking classes at La Cocina Que Canta, and they were a huge hit. Not only are they delicious, but also they’re fun to make. There is something meditative about rolling them. Use whatever vegetables you have on hand. Cucumbers, micro greens, pea shoots, bean sprouts, red bell pepper are all tasty additions. Flavored tofu can be used in place of the shrimp. As you work with each ingredient, take time to really see it. How does it look, smell, feel, sound, and taste?

Makes 8-10

Spring Rolls:

8-10 rice wrappers
½ lb. large shrimp, poached
4 oz. thin rice vermicelli
½ lb. carrots, peeled and grated (2 cups)
1 sm. head of romaine lettuce, ribs removed and cut into 4 in. pieces
a handful of fresh mint leaves
a handful of cilantro

Peanut Sauce:
Makes ½ cup

3 cloves garlic, crushed
3 Tbsp. creamy peanut butter
2 Tbsp. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice
2 Tbsp. gluten-free tamari
1 tsp. Sriracha
1 Tbsp. water


To make the peanut sauce:
In a small bowl combine the garlic, peanut butter, and sugar using a fork. Slowly mix in the liquid ingredients until completely combined. Set aside.

To make the spring rolls:
Bring a medium-sized pot (3 qt.) of salted water to a gentle boil. Poach the shrimp in the boiling water just until they turn pink, 1 to 3 minutes. Scoop the shrimp out with a slotted spoon. Transfer them to a colander and rinse with cold water. To save on time and cleanup, I like to combine tasks. So, although it might not be the most elegant cooking method, you can cook the rice noodles in the same water you used for the shrimp. Cook the noodles in the boiling water, 3 to 4 minutes (or according to the directions on the package) until just soft. Drain and rinse with cold water.

Slice the shrimp in half lengthwise. Grate the carrots, wash and cut the lettuce, and assemble the herbs. I find that putting the fillings in small bowls and lining the counter with them assembly-line style is helpful when rolling the spring rolls.

Lightly oil a baking sheet. You won’t be baking these spring rolls, but it’s a good place to put them as you make them. The oil will keep them from sticking.

Fill a pie plate with cool water and dip a rice paper wrapper into it. It should only take a few seconds to soften. Aim for about half-hydrated. If it’s too soft, the wrapper will become very sticky and will be hard to work with. If it’s not soft enough, you won’t be able to fold and roll.

Carefully lay the softened rice paper wrapper on a plate. Place 2 to 4 shrimp halves—depending on their size—cut side down in the center of the rice paper wrapper. Top with the lettuce, carrots, noodles, and herbs. If the noodles become too sticky to work with, just run a little bit of cold water over them. Like a burrito, fold in the two sides and then, starting with the side facing you, fold the rice paper wrapper over the top of the filling and roll away from you. This may take a bit of practice, but you’ll get it after one or two. Soak the next wrapper, and continue.

 

 

Meltdown

Recently I had a meltdown. It was a full on, drag out meltdown, served up with a side of tears and a helping of Tammy Faye Bakker raccoon eyes when my mascara ran.

I’m a happy person. I smile a lot. Usually I can find joy even in some of the most trying situations. Every once in a while, though, this little gremlin sneaks in and turns my normal chipper mien into something wretched, and it feels as though the entire world is imploding on top of me.

When the man at the office supply store said, “Hi. How are you?,” I responded with the customary, “I’m fine. Thank you,” but inside I knew it was a big fat lie. There was nothing fine about how I was feeling. My muscles were weak, my belly ached, and my heart hurt.

I’m not sure exactly how what started out as a beautiful morning turned into such a dark and gloomy afternoon. While it was stormy in my internal world, outside it was a whopping 112 degrees, which may have had something to do with my downward spiral, though my emotions felt very real in the moment.

The day started like any typical morning. I caught up on e-mail in bed and then had my morning tea in the garden. But a small tiff with an acquaintance escalated and by the afternoon, I had spiraled so far down that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull myself out. Everything I could possible fret about came to the surface: love, career, money, health…you name it. 

Although the following morning when I awoke I was swollen and dehydrated from crying, I felt infinitely better than I had the day before. The sun was shining again in my inner world and the air was filled with birdsong. Not only did I no longer feel the intensity of emotion of the previous day, but also I felt revitalized and once again excited for the future.

Throughout my life I’ve needed ample downtime. Without it, I just can’t function at full power. However, lately I’ve been going from one thing to the next and haven’t had time to recharge my batteries. I pride myself on being organized and on top of things. For instance, as a teen, I used to write my thank you cards on Christmas Day right after the presents were opened. But lately I’ve been pulled in so many directions that everything is taking a backseat to everything else. It’s like treading water but barely being able to keep my head above the surface.

Summer Storm

Although it’s scary for me to divulge an event as personal as my meltdown, I wanted to share what I discovered about it once I had time to reflect. Although I’ve been riding pretty high lately, I’ve had a fair amount underlying stress that I wasn’t aware of consciously. You know that feeling right before a summer storm? You can feel the pressure building as the sky gets darker and darker. Then there’s a huge clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and the sky opens up. As the rain falls, you can feel the earth sighing with relief. It can be that way with emotions also, and especially stress.

Although, of course, I would have preferred spending my day doing anything other than being curled up in bed wiping tears and worrying that my life will perpetually be in a holding pattern until I find love, have children, and know the direction I want to go with my career, the meltdown may have been a necessary step in moving forward. I needed to feel and express every possible worry, fear, and insecurity in order to step forward with increased ease and confidence. I can’t guarantee that I won’t have another meltdown, as I most surely will at some point, but I do know that right now I feel more relaxed, less stressed, and more excited than I did beforehand.

It can be overwhelming to give voice to every possible worry and concern that’s ever crossed your mind, but also it can be valuable. Until I started downward spiraling and yammering about all the things that didn’t feel right in my life, I actually wasn’t aware of the many burdens I was carrying.

Relaxing and enjoying downtime with friends post meltdown

Being vulnerable is not a natural state for me. Being happy, joyful, and confident are important to me, and it’s not easy for me to be so open about my moments of profound weakness. Admitting to a meltdown is embarrassing; yet, I also think it’s important for me to do so. There’s value in sharing not only my triumphs, but also my challenging times. If you’re having a rough time, know that it will get better. Perhaps we need the darkness in order to have more light. Just as a butterfly must first be in a chrysalis before spreading its wings, some of us need to acknowledge our pain, fears, and worries before we can grow into the extraordinary beings we were meant to be.

Brochettes de Crevettes aux Herbes

(Provencal-Style Shrimp Skewers with Herbs)

Lately I’ve been too busy to play in the kitchen, which is a Catch-22 since most likely that is the very thing that would bring me more equilibrium. A wise friend told me that her strategy for overwhelm is to simply delete 50% of her “to do” list. The moment I realized that not everything on my list was essential, I felt myself relaxing. I simply have to make time for the things I love. So, I jumped into the kitchen and created these delicious shrimp skewers.

Makes 15-20 skewers

Marinade:
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
¾ tsp. sea salt
8-10 large basil leaves, minced
a few sprigs of Italian parsley, minced
1 shallot, minced
3 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
½ tsp. Dijon mustard

Skewers:
1 lb. large shrimp (20-35 count)
2 orange or yellow bell peppers, cut into chunks
½ red onion, cut into chunks
l lb. grape or cherry tomatoes

15-20 ten-inch rosemary sprigs

Finger-lickin’ Garlicky Aïoli:
½ cup mayonnaise
3 cloves garlic, crushed
½ tsp. Dijon mustard
2 tsp. lemon juice
1 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil

To make the marinade: In a large bowl, combine the sliced garlic, salt, basil, parsley, and shallots. Whisk in the red wine vinegar, olive oil, and mustard. Add the shrimp. Cover and refrigerate while you cut the vegetables and make the aïoli.

Prepare the rosemary sprigs. Remove approximately ¾ of the greenery from the stalk, leaving the rest as a “tail.”

Cut the onions and bell peppers. Set aside.

To make the aïoli: In a small bowl, combine the mayonnaise, garlic, mustard, lemon juice, and olive oil until full mixed. Cover and refrigerate.

Assemble the shrimp, peppers, onions, and tomatoes on the rosemary skewers. Preheat a gas grill to medium. Oil the grill. Place the skewers on the grill. Cooking times will vary depending on the heat of your grill and the size of your shrimp, though about 5 minutes per side is a good rule of thumb. Serve with the aïoli on the side. Enjoy!

 

 

Becoming Me

The Supermoon on May 5th

In one of my favorite songs from my teen years, Dave Matthews asks, “Could I have been anyone other than me?”

Lately I’ve begun wondering whether or not I really could have become anyone other than me. A tree branch, I believe, best represents the path our lives follow. Each decision we make takes us in a specific direction that continuously branches and grows based on our choices and circumstances. However, I also believe that there are forces greater that guide and point us toward being more ourselves.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have ended up here no matter what. Maybe destiny is like a powerful magnet that keeps pulling us toward ourselves. Even in my earliest years, I was already showing signs of the person I am today. For instance, nearly every memory I have is connected to food in some way. It seems, even as a little girl, my mind new to catalog food-related memories and hold onto them for safekeeping. In high school, when the other girls were boy-crazed, I was more passionate about finding the right ingredients for a specific dish or concocting just the right flavor combination. Although I loved books enough to double major in French and English literature in college, I hardly remember any of the novels I’ve read; yet, I can recount meals from years ago in intimate detail.

The twists, turns, and forks of the tree branch of our lives

The other day while pan-frying shrimp, my mind was suddenly flooded with memories of being in New Zealand with my mom when I was young girl. We got dinner a few times at a hardly-memorable takeout Chinese restaurant; yet, when I was frying the shrimp, the scent of the batter meeting hot oil ignited a memory of that restaurant I didn’t even know existed. Although I was frying shrimp (not chicken) the image of their lemon chicken covered in yellow sauce was so vivid I could actually taste it, even though I haven’t had that particular dish in probably 25 years.

Although I feel like I’m a different person today than I was 20, 10, even 5 years ago, at the core I really haven’t changed that much. Despite the myriad of experiences I’ve had over the years, the things I loved as a child and have kept in my memory are still the same things I love and remember today.

I talk a lot about wanting to fall in love, get married, and have a house full of happy children cooking by my side and frolicking in a bountiful garden. But, I’m also realizing that sometimes the twists and turns on the tree branch of life don’t always go where we expect them to go.

My garden, a good place to frolic!

I’m not giving up the idea of happily ever after; yet, I also have the sense that perhaps the path to my destiny is different from how I’ve envisioned it. The more I become me, by delving further and further into a world where tastes, scents, and flavors reign, the more at peace I feel. The truth is: I could have become anyone other than me, but it wouldn’t have felt as right. I’ll always be the girl whose memory is intertwined with everything she eats. For the moment, bliss for me is found at the farmers’ market searching for the perfect peach and writing recipes to share with you. For so long, I’ve focused on the lack in my life. But, the more I become myself and the more I look forward to watching my current destiny unfold, the more full my life feels. Lack only exists if I allow it. 

It seems that the closer we are to becoming ourselves, the less we yearn for the things we don’t yet have. I still want a family, but I feel so content being where I am now that I no longer feel it tugging at my heart. Perhaps this is what it means to become yourself.

 

Destiny Shrimp

These are the shrimp I was making when my memory suddenly took me across the globe and through time to vividly experience a moment from my childhood. These shrimp launched the feeling that I’m finally becoming me. Here’s to following your destiny, whatever it may be!

Serves 2-4

Tartar Sauce
3 Tbsp. finely diced yellow onion
2 tsp. white vinegar
2 Tbsp. sweet pickle relish
½ cup mayonnaise
a dash of hot sauce, such as Cholula or Tapatio

In a small bowl, combine the diced onion with the vinegar. Stir in the pickle relish. Mix with the mayonnaise and top off with a dash of hot sauce. Cover and refrigerate while preparing the shrimp.

Pan-fried Shrimp
1 lb. lg. shrimp (20/35 count), peeled and deveined
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup sweet rice flour*
½ tsp. sea salt
about 1/3 cup vegetable, canola, or peanut oil for frying

*Sweet rice flour is also called “glutinous rice flour,” but does not contain gluten. It makes a batter that’s light and crispy. It can be purchased at Asian markets and natural foods stores.

Beat the eggs together in a medium bowl. Add the shrimp and mix to combine. On a plate or in a pie pan, toss the sweet rice flour and salt together with a fork.

There’s a neat and a messy way to batter shrimp. I prefer the later; it’s more fun and much faster. With your clean hands, grab three or four egg-covered shrimp and put them in the flour. Use your fingers to completely coat the shrimp with flour. Set the battered shrimp on a clean plate (it’s best if they don’t touch one another). Repeat.

Generously coat the bottom of a 12-inch frying pan with oil and heat on medium-high. To test if the oil is hot, drop a small piece of batter into the pan. If it sizzles pretty heartily, the oil is hot. If it begins to smoke, it’s too hot. Adjust the temperature as needed. Use tongs to place the shrimp in the pan. Cook the shrimp in 2 to 3 batches. It’s best if there’s room around each shrimp in the pan. Cook until golden brown, about 1 to 2 minutes per side. When cooked, place them on a plate lined with a paper towel. Enjoy immediately.

The messy but fun and fast way to batter shrimp

Destiny Shrimp

No sooner than the shutter clicked on my camera, I devoured this shrimp. Yum!