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Photographs by Meadow Linn

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Letting the Dream Die



Langston Hughes wrote, “Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” This was one of my favorite poems when I was in high school, but now I’m not so sure that I believe it anymore. I’m starting to think that sometimes you have to let dreams die. Only then will there be room for new dreams. The new dreams might not necessarily be better than the old ones; rather, they’re a more likely or more attainable version. I’ve held onto the same dream of my life for so long that I actually feel a bit like the broken-winged bird that cannot fly. I can’t envision any other possible scenario for my life, yet I don’t seem able to get there no matter how hard I try. The more I struggle, the more painful it becomes.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to fall in love, get married, and have a family. When I was little, my best friend and I used to stage weddings. We would take turns being the bride. My imaginary groom rotated between Perry Mason and Michael Landon, one of whom is fictional but I don’t think that was of much consequence to me at the time, never mind that he was probably twice the age of my parents and not particularly attractive in his later years.

Blowing bubbles with a friend's daughter
Having a family has always been really important to me. I love children and have always pictured myself as a mother. When I was a kid I convinced my friends to stuff our shirts full of teddy bears and pretend we were pregnant. We even went as far as to give birth to the toys, complete with grunting and screaming, which took my mom by surprise when she walked in on us one day.

In later years, I spent many warm afternoons swinging in the hammock underneath a large oak tree at my parents’ ranch picturing every detail of the wedding I would have in that exact spot. And to make long car trips go by a bit faster, I passed many hours thinking of possible names for my yet unborn children.

The oak, under which I imagined my wedding, collapsed last week
Over the past decade or so, I’ve put a lot of time and energy into dating and finding the right man. I’ve had memberships at all of the leading online dating sites and even a few of the smaller ones, joined clubs and singles’ groups, and even at one point tried a matchmaker. In addition, I’ve talked to God, made collages of my desired life, and written in my journal as though the future were already a reality. I’ve even consulted astrologers and intuitives. Despite a few wonderful potential mates and some near misses, I’m now in my thirties and still single.

A few days ago it felt as though my entire world was crashing in around me. One too many potential loves fell through, and I realized how tired I was. Every part of my body felt heavy, fatigued, and worn down both physically and emotionally. I couldn’t continue this way. It was too painful and too exhausting. I’ve held so firmly to the dream of dating, wedding, and then baby that my vision has become myopic. Although I’m not willing to completely give up on the dream, I’ve also started to see that there may be other routes to my envisioned life. By surrendering my need to have my life follow a traditional path and do everything in a particular order, I’m opening myself to other possibilities.

We’re blessed to live in a time and society where we have the freedom to meet men in many different ways, have children and make families in various manners, and do things out of order if that’s the way it happens. Although allowing the dream to die is extremely painful—and I have to admit I’ve been pretty weepy all week—I’m also realizing that it’s not necessary to hold fast to one particular vision of ourselves. Who knows what direction my life will end up taking, but I do feel relieved realizing that there are actually many routes to happiness and many ways to making dreams come true.

Are there dreams in your life that are dragging you down rather than exhilarating you? Perhaps the time has come to release them. Be willing to allow the bountiful possibilities of new and yet unexplored dreams to fill your life. Is there another way to attain the same happiness that you so desire? Here’s to dreams coming true even if they come in a slightly different package than we had originally planned!

A safflower field my mom and I drove by on our way to the coast
Chicken Curry Salad

When I was feeling blue earlier this week, my mom decided I needed a change of scenery. She drove me to the coast where we had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants and then we collected pretty pebbles on the beach, letting the salt air wash away my anguish. At lunch I ordered chicken curry salad, which is one of my comfort foods. The one at the restaurant was good, but I like this one even better.

Serves 6

1 cup sliced celery
½ cup diced red onion
1 cup chopped raw walnuts*
½ cup yellow raisins
2 ½ cups diced cooked chicken**
4 tsps. curry powder
½ tsp. sea salt
¾ cup mayonnaise***

*I love walnuts, but raw cashews, pecans, or sliced almonds could be used instead.
**I use leftover roasted chicken.
***Strained Greek yogurt can be substituted for the mayonnaise.
   
Combine the celery, onion, walnuts, raisins, and chicken in a large bowl. Toss with the curry powder and salt, and then mix with the mayonnaise. Let it sit for 15 minutes or so before serving to give the flavors time to mellow and marry with one another. Enjoy with a green salad or on a French baguette.






39 comments:

  1. Oh dear Meadow--sometimes we do need to give up the dreams we had/have for the dreams that are being created for us. The unknowing can seem almost suffocating at times. Just trust that all is ok, even if it doesn't seem like it.
    You are such a beautiful, glorious creature--it will soon come.
    In the meantime, you have us who love you and cherish the gift that you are to the Universe. And there's always Chicken Curry Salad!!!

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  2. Hi Meadow,
    I have struggle with having healthy and lasting relationships my entire life too. I am 41. Though I have had 3 kids now teenagers and older I have yet to find that dream of a lasting marriage and have been thinking maybe it is ok no matter what happens. I am currently in a relationship but I don't even know that I trust them anymore. So, I empathize with you. I was just thinking last night while listening to the song At Last how dreams die and it is sad and must be grieved. Honoring your process! And sending you love and angels to make you smile and lighten you. I hope you find wonderful dreams! (:

    Patricia ( your facebook flower photography friend)

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  3. Hi Meadow, don't give up the dream, just put the intense pursuit of it on hold...that's when the magic happens. Put it away in a safe place in your soul and pursue YOU, what makes you happy, what makes you shine...what speaks to YOU on a soul level. I went thru something very similar to you and it wasn't until I proclaimed to God and the Universe that I was finished chasing my dream...that my life was going to be about my goals (I was really into horseback riding at the time) that I suddenly met my now husband of almost 22 years. You aren't letting the dream die, you are just letting it go and allowing it to transform. Let the Universe come to you and show you how wonderful it can be! Hugs to you! xo

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  4. hmmm, woke up this morning, realized, not sure what i'd actually miss about my husband of 2 years....i'd definitely miss our home, my garden, the security, companionship...and we had a beautiful wedding....i totally identified with your dreams of marriage and family...and now have the marriage, but pretty sure bringing kids into this one would not be the right thing. so, now as i'm looking at divorce options (met him on catholic singles.com btw) garth brooks song of "unanswered prayers" plays in my head for you...(being in 30s and single, better than 30s and divorced) and i guess for myself..miscarriage last august...God does know, and so sorry about all your struggles, but maybe hanging onto a childhood dream too tightly can hold us back...good luck!

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  5. Meadow, there is always a way! Don't give up! In NYC where I live and around the world, same sex couples find ways everyday for the children their hearts pine for. And you are still young! Nowadays you can be in your 40s and still have babies. It's not over! Ask for the perfect situation for your life to unfold and then let go and let it happen. And it will! Much love, Sheela

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  6. Meadow, my dream of a perfect Ozzie and Harriet (tv version) family died with my divorce at 28--2 small boys to care for, education not yet attained. I swang and sang as a little girl and talked to trees and clouds and especially a large Oak which I loved as you loved yours. I came home after the divorce--went out for some sage advice, and was crushed to see someone had cut it down! I felt everything over--then went to check out if they'd at least left the trunk. They had, and a brand new 6" sapling was growing up through the center. My dear Oak Tree (who explained to me about death when I was 5 or 6) had left me one last message. You're very wise and I'm sure the new sapling of how your dream will take shape is on the horizon.

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  8. Hi Meadow, I think that sometimes we try so hard to make our dreams come true that it has the opposite effect. You are a beautiful, loving person. No doubt your dream will come true when you least expect it!

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  9. Hey Meadow,

    I am sending you so much love during this time.

    You're on your path and there's so much beauty where you are, even though I know it's painful.

    I know the Universe is cookin' up something amazing for you and I am so excited how it unfolds!

    Many blessings.

    Wishing you the best in love,

    Blaire Allison
    Intuitive Heart Healer
    The Love Guru
    http://www.loveguru.net

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  10. Hi Meadow, dont give up on your dream (its a good one) just 'park it' for a while and see what happens? you are young, you are beautiful, it will happen...promise Susan Xx

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  11. Thanks for your beautiful and honest writing. I understand your frustration. I was in a similar situation. Looking for love for years.
    It was when i gave up and stopped looking that Mr. Right showed up. I always say there is a lid for every pot. I am sure yours will show up too, but in the mean time, focus on things you love to do. Life is what happens when your busy making other plans:)

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  12. Oh sweetie, while I never wanted kids (my mom said I told these ladies at church I was going to take birth control pills when asked how many kids I wanted-I was six at the time), I did want a nice guy to share my life with. After way too many fun bad boys, at 40, yes, 40 I met my husband. I was 45 when I married for the first time. My sister next to me was also 45 when she married for the first time. I have all the faith in the world that the right guy will pop up for you...now that you have released it to the Universe. Aw, Meadow, I am sending a big hug and a big high five, as you have done what is so hard...released a dream. I love you, Kathy. You are my hero today!

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  13. Oh Meadow .... I'm sorry you've been feeling so down lately. I have told you this story before but maybe it's worth another airing ... as they say. My beautiful daughter in law Angela had dreams such as yours, ever since she was little, but her love life was dire. In the end, much like you're feeling now, she decided to put the question of romance and all it entailed on the shelf for the next few years whilst she completed her university degree. This decision came from her heart ... no more romance for the next few years. When the day came for her to start her new life at university, away from home and all her friends, she went with the sole intention of gaining a good degree NOTHING ELSE MATTERED .. On her first day at uni she caught sight of my son, James: she couldn't believe it ... as soon as she laid eyes on him she knew he was the one. Her game plan came crashing down because she knew without a doubt that he was the one for her. They've been together for years now and have three children; the children didn't come til late she was 35 ... but for them it's as though it's always been.

    In view of the tremendous strength of your life's dream "Letting the dream die" is very brave, but I think, it's a necessary next step. If, like Angela, you put romance on the back burner I think you will find life changing quite quickly for you.

    With love and hugs Meadow.
    Suexxxx

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  14. Dear Meadow,

    I feel for you but want you to know from the other side of 2 marriages where I wasn't myself, that at 45 once I finally had some clarity about who I was and what my own values were/are, I DID stumble into a truly amazing man, amazing enough to marry again and I can't believe how easy and delightful the past 6 years have been and I can't imagine life without him. I thought I wanted children when I was in my 20's, but they didn't appear despite having the early marriage. And once I met my awesome husband it was too late. So I have cats, dog (& maybe a new one coming), chickens, gardens, friends...and life is full and rich and joyfully creative...and honestly, I didn't dream a bit of it! It just unfolded, after years of doing things I thought I should do and being unhappy, and then let go into not knowing, my wonderful life has found me. I wish you the ability to let go into the mystery and even confusion perhaps for a while, express your marvelous authentic self as I know your mother taught you to, and love will flow in perhaps in the ways you least expect.

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  15. Ah Meadow,
    It's as if I was writing what I was reading. I'm going through the same thing and just over the last few weeks I have been mourning my all time dream of being a mother and a wife. I turned 40 in April.
    I have done and still am doing all the things you described in your blog and it's so disheartening, heart breaking and so darn frustrating. I truly can empathize.
    The thing I have learned over the last few days is that I have been living in the future, day dreaming, trying to use visualizations and using the laws of attraction to summon my guy but the more i do that the more frustrated and disappointed I become. This past weekend I've been checking in with myself, making sure i'm grounded in the here and now and trying (although it's very hard for me) to enjoy what i have in the moment. One thing that is the hardest is trying not to be constantly looking for him around every corner.....even at Home Depot ; )
    One thing for sure that is rather annoying and doesn't help is when good intending people tell you he's on his way, you're beautiful etc, I've been told that for the last 20 years and still nothing.
    I think after much thought and soul searching is that once you get your head around some new idea, interest or passion then things start to shift and you move closer. The one problem i have with that is all I ever wanted was to be happily married and be a mother, that was what my passion and new life was going to be!
    Maybe that will still happen, maybe that will come. I'm not sure why I don't have that and to be honest I wished someone would tell me but for now, all I have is the very moment I'm in. I'm going to just keep myself grounded and in the now and see what comes.
    I wish you all the love and light in the world and send a prayer for you. I'd love it if you could send one for me too ; )
    Liz.

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  16. Meadow, as I read your post, I sensed that your love is out there.....perhaps his timing and your timing need a little synchronizing.
    Joyce Wilson

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  17. I spent most of my 20's yearning to be married and have children. In my early 30's I gave up, deciding I was simply too unloveable and would obviously live out the rest of my life as a spinster. And yet somehow, someway I did finally meet my wonderful husband and we married a few weeks after I turned 35. We just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We don't have children, and that's the one regret I have in life is that I never had a daughter. But at the same time I count the blessings of the much younger half brother I helped raise, and my niece and nephew I adore.

    But my bigger regret is that I spent so much time and energy anguishing over whether I would find love. Time and energy I wish I'd used to travel or go back to school or at least enjoying all the alone time I had back then (love my husband, love being married, but miss living alone of all things!!).

    I have a feeling now that you have "let go" of your dream, unexpected wonderful things will happen for you. Much love and many blessings to you! xoxo

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  18. i am 37 about to be 38,and i am too wondering if i wll share the same dream. it has been many many years,and i work as a spiritual intuitive,guiding others for faith and answers and my clients call back saying' you were right he called/returned/appeared etc' but i quietly wonder 'when will my guy show up'? however i do know that the universe has its own timing,its own process and it needs me to get my 'sticky' hands off! so it can do its plan for me...i recently realised..like you ... but once we surrender,and accept,what we think is unaccpetabel,then the the energy shifts.. we dont have to have it that way,the universe just wants us to be 'willing' to let go,and you are.
    quote i have on my office wall' you gotta give it up,the way it is,to have the way you want it.." i know life is not a vaccum... the unverse will deliver when the timing is right.and it always is.. Blessings to you....

    P.S sorry for my bad spelling...

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  19. Meadow,
    Thank you for sharing your enlightenment! You are an intelligent and sensitive young woman who has captured the feelings and questions of generations of women.
    We don't need a man in order to be fulfilled, but that has been your dream for so long that "who you are" has been overshadowed by "what's out there." There's nothing wrong with that hope either, it just has blinders. You have definitely removed those blinders, and it hurts. But when a big part of us changes, it leaves room for wonderful new ideas to enter.
    I'm a 30+ year recovering woman and have learned that when I surrender (to the truth/the inevitable), I win. It's "anti" what we hear "out there," but it's truth. Accepting things as they are, and building on the good things (things that work). Changing, learning, growing, and becoming "who you are" makes you incredibly attractive. You being you. THEN Meadow, watch your life become "beyond your wildest dreams!"Mine has, and I never dreamed such a wonderful life in "the old days!"
    Sending love!

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  20. Meadow, thanks for sharing of yourself...sending a hug. I think sometimes it is good to give yourself a rest from a dream you've had, especially as you say if it is dragging you down. This was also a good reminder for me, as I also have to give myself a rest and detach from a dream I have about a job. (Some food for thought...When I was 28 my "soul mate" left me, and it took me years to scrape myself together. Never really even wanted to fall in love with someone else. But, by the grace of the Universe, and two kids later, it happened.)

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  21. Dear Meadow,

    I thought it was funny that so many 40 year old women wrote a comment because I am also in that category so as a women a decade older than you, I can tell you that You are right... You may have to let your version of a dream die but not the dream itself. Love, marriage and children are all possible but they don't have to be in that order. You are lucky to have Denise help you through this and God is watching you and he hears you. He just might not be able to bring you what you want, yet. Hugs, Emmy

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  22. Hi Meadow,

    I found your blog through your mom's FB wall--her words of wisdom have helped me through many tough times, but I find myself feeling many of the same emotions as you do about my romantic life. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful son (who is now 20 and has fledged the nest), but a bad marriage that went on for years longer than I should have let it.

    After my divorce, I started dating again, doing all the usual things: fix-ups, Internet sites, joining clubs, etc. I dated a few dozen men over the last 12 years, but none of them have been right. In fact, some of them have been downright wrong (cheaters, liars, etc.) I go into each relationship trying to start fresh, with no baggage from the previous one, thinking "maybe it's finally my turn for real love." I turn 50 next week, and after yet another fizzled relationship this summer (that makes 2 this year), I've been worrying that maybe it's not in the cards for me either.

    I started thinking about what part I must have played in all these failed relationships, and started on a 7-day plan to create a list of what I want in a soul mate. Every day I have meditated, asked myself questions and drafted a list. Today I make a final copy of the list, put it in my "God box," and leave it up to the Universe.

    Funny, a very young FB friend of mine posted this morning: "Instead of trying to find the perfect guy, work on being the right woman." So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to focus on my career, my health and my interests. I believe that releasing your dream is akin to my writing my list and letting it go: it creates a vacuum for the Universe to fill with something new. (Remember how Andy had to get rid of his vintage toy collection in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" before he could have a mature relationship? LOL)

    I also believe that we constantly live at the nexus of karma, manifestation, and the free will of others, and the latter two are always in flux. Sometimes we just have to do the best we can and leave things up to a higher power. Prayers and hugs to you for your honesty and heartache. I know there must be someone REALLY wonderful out there for you, and that's why you've had to wait so long!

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  23. A good quote by Helen Keller for you;

    "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

    Chin up Girl, and ...... Expand and open the happy surprises coming your way :) !!!!

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  24. Hi Meadow,
    don't let your dream die, honey, just let it go. Release it to the Universe and concentrate on something else.
    I remember, after I got married (way too young as it turned out)I really wanted to have kids. It's something that was an absolute must for me. yet I didn't get pregnant right away. My intentions were strong though and it occupied most of my thought, still every month was another disappointment.
    Till I realized that things weren't working out the way I expected them to be. That's when I let go and decided to get a puppy instead. So I got a cute, sweet boxer puppy that needed all my care and attention. I gave up trying to control how things should be and the care of the little pup totally distracted me.
    I was pregnant 1 month later.

    Take a look at this video from Poland where 11.000 lanterns were sent up into the sky. Picture all your wishes and dreams to be in those lanterns and let them float away.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=O0LiJmSX2fs
    Namaste,

    Christine

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  25. HI Meadow :)

    Your blog finally loaded and I was able to read it through all the way. So awesome! It opened my eyes to some of my struggles and letting go of some of my dreams which is sooo hard. You and your honesty rock. xoxox

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  26. Dear Meadow,
    I am in your exact situation, with the agravetion that I been in a on and off relationship with a man which I love incredibly but which can not be there for me has I would like to. Out of this relationship a baby came but because of his personal situation he did not want it. I was so scared to be a single mother with not family and any one to help me, I was 33 years old at the time and a full time student. Before all this happened I left my unsatisfactory but well paid job to pursue my dream and I went back to uny full time. I went thorugh Ba, Msc and I am now doing a Phd and I knew that having the baby would have meant having to go back to my country of origin an give up study, though I wanted so much that baby, and he was the baby of the man I loved. Though It seamed that I could not have both of them, he told me so, he promised me that we would have had another one in 2 years time when his situation was better. I was so scared to loos him, and I did not want to give up my dream for which I went back to uny and sacrificed finacial stability. Now 2 years after this the father of the baby is no where to be seen, though he keeps telling me that he is going to come, at least to talk things through, but he still did not. For two year I cried my self to sleep every night praying, doing affirmation doing all the possible thing I could do to ask the universe to make him come back to me, and crying and feeling terribly guilty for the choice I made about my baby, I miss him and the grief of this situation caused me many physical problems. Few days ago as you I thought I can not go ahead like this, I am tired all the time, I am tired of keeping my mind in check trying not to think about what happened, I am tired of being sad, of being unhappy, of being alone of feeling guilty, of my life as all revolves around that situation. So as you I have decided that I need to let go of that situation, let go of my attachment to him, to let go of wanting the things to go my way, in the way I have planned it. I had a moment when after soo much crying I just felt like a rope snapped inside me. I realised how tired I was and I knew that doing what I was doing I was interfiring with the universe higher plan for me. For just a split second I thought and felt" what if I am not getting what I am asking because actually there is someone much better out there for me? What if is protecting me form a major error? maybe is trying to indicate to me that that is not my path and trying to push me on the right way?" From that moment I felt that my time of waiting and pushing and trying to make it happen over. I declered that I let go of my attachment to this situation and let the universe do his part. As the says go " I let go and let God" I stoped all the resistance, because I realised that all what I was doing was actually resistance, resistace to acept what is, and doing that I kept my self pinched off all the things I wanted. I now took the decision to enjoy my life as it is today, even as a single, to enjoy what I do, to go back concentrating on my study and my passions. I am aware that I need professional help to process through the grief of the pregnancy interruption, so I started terapy with a specialist in the field. I am taking charge again of my life, instead of letting pain and fear run the show. When I declered my intention of letting go I did not let the dream of a men, maybe even of that man to die, but I declered that I trust the universe to fullfill my dream, and let the details, the hows and when to him. I did not let go of the dream, I let go of the need to controll the way it was going to come about.
    I hope all this message will make you feel less alone. You made the right choice and you'll see the moment you will be back in track loving what you do and having fun, everything will start moving in the right way.
    Love and hugs xxx

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  27. Hard to believe available men aren't beating down your door. But I have no doubt all is about to fall into place for you. I can see you with a baby girl of your own and she is beating on one of your Mom and Dads drums. She has gorgeous blue eyes. A beautiful soul such as you will not be alone long in this bright new world. Much love! LeeAnn

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  28. Meadow, you have a beautiful blog. Love all your pictures. Never give up on your dreams. Put out to the UNIVERSE what you want and then get out of the way. It'll all fall into place. Thank you to your mom for connecting all of us to you.

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  29. Meadow....I am 33 and can relate to you soooo much. My best friend from college just announced she's getting married. My ex-boyfriend whom I was madly in love with years ago, is now married and just had a baby. Another relationship of mine just failed miserably this past spring. And I thought I might've just met another prospect, but that didn't go as planned......

    I've been feeling a little bit of the "poor me" bug lately, not wanting to embrace my current solitude, wondering when my day will come, wanting to finally be settled in romance. It's been a difficult period for sure!

    But, like you....I'm trying to shift my perspective. I recently made a "commitment to myself", and that feels AMAZING. I am letting go of all that is exterior, and simply allowing myself to take care of me whole-heartedly. I need to treat myself with love and respect!! I am attempting to trust that by letting go of all expectations, the Universe will provide me with all that I need and desire, in the right time.

    Much love to you Meadow!! Your path is wide open!!

    Love, Stacey Jean

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  30. Girl you are a beautiful soul for sharing from your heart...
    I too had a massive period ( 4 years in fact) where I wanted another child and my husband didn't (feel almost guilty posting this) but it was truly the most painful lesson of my life. What I learned from this was:
    1) Disenfranchised grief ...i.e grief that can not be seen such as never having that baby or finding your soulmate is often completely unrecognised as grief by ourselves and others (How often do you hear 'oh well at least you have your career/mother/friends/health etc').
    2) Owning your grief over this event and allowing yourself to fully experience the gamult of emotions..the anger, the 'why me', the rawness of anything that comes up and to truly 'be with it' when it does is truly healing
    3) Journalling - write it down....all of the most toxic and poisonous rantings of your soul...get them out! Purge purge purge
    4) An amazing homeopath (Hahnemann trained) helped me to loosen the grip of the deep grief (nat mur) and the toxic anger that i also felt.
    5) A grief counsellor helped me to recognise that what i was feeling was truly a deep grieving process and that it was okay to feel it!

    I can truly say now that the pain has lessened...i'm frightened to say that it has completely gone..because it has been cyclical in nature in the past...but there are now spaces between the tears and a realisation that this experience of a deep grief was what i had to go through.
    Love and blessings on your journey
    XXX

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  31. Hi Meadow,

    Your post is so touching ! I felt for you particularly cuz I'm in the same position as you... Just like you I have dreamt about the ideal man, wedding , having children, etc. all life and I am now in my mid-40s... I have somehow stopped holding on to it so tightly and decided to let it go a while ago. I still believe deeply that this Dream will happen ( well perhaps not the big wedding and perhaps not the children of my own) but a warm, sincere, authentic relationship :) I've just stopped looking for it and trust that it will happen when it's ready to happen. I have actually realised that not even before a couple of years I actually wasn't ready to welcome that immensely powerful Love into my life - I analysed why a while ago and it became clear that for different reasons I wasn't ready before, so I only attracted the wrong ones. I feel I am now ready and am just letting life happening with faith. Even if it is hard sometimes indeed, I am learning patience and the power of letting go.

    Perhaps, just like me for some reasons you haven't been ready either. By letting go of the idealised love situation, you might be letting the door truly open for it now... who knows before you know it, you might be in the middle of cooking one of your delicious creative recipes and love will enter you home without you even noticing it :)

    you're an amazingly beautiful lady like your mother (both out and inside) and I have all faith that true Love will knock on your shining door in the near future :) Be patient and just let it be, stop trying to control it and focusing on it so hard that it probably scares the hell out of any potential lover lol. I believe that even if we are not consciously showing how desesperate we are to Live that true Love, men can subconsciously feel it and it certainly makes them run miles lol - By just being you right here in the present and enjoying every minute of it, I am sure that the right man will be charmed by the wonderful lady he sees and will be compelled to enter the door to get a closer look at the shining soul and person he's briefly encountered ;)

    I truly wish you all the Best Meadow, your Dream will happen, you just need to let go ofthe reign and let it flow to you at its free will.

    Best Regards and thanks for all the marfvellous recipes you share with us ! :)

    Florence

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  32. Oh Meadow.... I hear the truth in your article... and I wish with all my heart that your original dream would come true. But you are right.. sometimes we have to let some dreams go and be open to what comes next. You are as wise as you are beautiful.
    YOU have no idea how many people love you, and have been deeply touched by your energy. And in your time now of need, as you shift directions of your dreams, I hope you can feel all that love and warmth and happiness floating all around you.

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  33. I loved this post Meadow, the beauty and courage in your words touched me deeply.
    I can only speak for myself and truly believe the only path to getting what we desire is on the path of trust.
    In receiving guidance on my own journey it has been shown to me that ... "trust comes from a force that is unparalleled, unequaled, in any dimension that you will ever use to evolve through the world of life itself."
    I seem to remember when I was younger I didn't doubt myself or others, I walked innocently, perhaps naively but courageously on the path of trust...I trusted my feelings and allowed myself to fall in love, to feel its depth and to know that love doesn't come simply or cheaply, to commit to it as a lifetime's work. And not to worry of it's risk, of the storms, and heartbreaks, because accompanied with them are the unexpected joys, that allow the former to be resolved and released.
    So after 23 years of marriage and two beautiful children, I found myself widowed and all the trust seemed to leave me...and although I wanted to find another love I couldn't, and I believe it was because I had forgotten how to trust. And now I realize it was fear that has prevented me, fear of being alone kept me alone. Through the acceptance of this I now know it can be changed and it doesn't need to take a lifetime to do it. It can happen in a heartbeat...trust is the part of myself that moves through the veil of the ego,..and it allows its light to be the guiding force in all of my thoughts and actions. I believe that I haven't received what I deeply desire because I have separated part of myself from my higher self, I stopped trusting. Somewhere along the way I let myself believe that outside forces were the reasons
    for where I found myself. If only my husband hadn't died, if only that man I wanted wasn't married, if only that man hadn't betrayed me, and so on. So what to do? What I am doing - is this...I have taken myself back to the bridge of light, reconnecting with my higher self and together we are walking over the bridge again, the bridge that takes me to where I truly want to be. So as I shine my light, as I trust again, I will see the light in others, and my light will merge again in love with another. It is in the trusting that it all already exists, that it comes into being.
    Trust in your dreams Meadow, trust in your light...and as your Mum always says...shine on!
    You are beautiful.

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  34. Dear Meadow - I feel your hurt of not having your dream unfold the way you would wish it to. Perhaps now instead of letting the dream die then now is the time to let go of the steering wheel. Be happy in your life such as it is and be thankful for all that you have been given. Nameste Donna, Barrie, Ontario, Canada

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  35. Dearest Sister, Meadow..
    I am thankful for your generous heart...that you share your feelings here with us. I feel every bit of what you're revealing here, and I love that by accepting "what is" - no matter how upsetting - has brought you back to a place of clarity: realizing our dreams can take on a different garment from what we've imagined. I am experiencing what you describe too, in a few areas of my life.

    Today, after reading your post for a 2nd time since you wrote it, Joseph Campbell's wise and comforting words came to mind: "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." And it sounds like you've intuitvely embodied his wisdom. And by you sharing your heart here, it's allowed me to recognize myself as well, and now Campbell's wisdom is inviting me to do the same....

    Hmm, it could be a bit exciting to see how it'll all unfolds now for both of us, with the comfort and wisdom of Campbell's words as our Lighthouse.

    Here's to wondrous blessings continuing to unfold, much love to you... Cheryl

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  36. Dear Meadow,

    I already posted a comment, but can't help myself from also sharing this with you; the monthly Energy Forecast for September is "Allowing":
    " Allowing is not about surrender or giving up, nor is it passive. It is an active choice to let things be the way they are."
    The whole message can be found at www.thepowerpath.com
    Namaste,

    Christine

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  37. You might really find When the Heart Waits a comforting and touchingly beautiful read. The author is Kidd. Helped me soooo very much at a time similar to what you are describing. Blessings, Denise

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  38. Dreams hurt thats all i know right now. Its so funny...i have everything u want and i resent it. My dream requires me not to have a family......good luck.

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    1. Here's to finding dreams that are filled with joy! I'm sending you huge hugs!! Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read this post .

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