Making Peace with the Jungle

Yesterday I did something wild and crazy and totally out of character.

I planted my garden without a plan! For some of you this might not sound like a big deal, but for me…this was huge.

In the winter months, typically I spend hours pouring over seed catalogs highlighting, circling, and marking the varieties of vegetables that get my mouth watering. Then I go through the catalog at least another two or three times to narrow down my choices until I end up with a reasonable amount of seeds.

A young squash seedling

Then, just before it’s time to plant, I draw diagrams of my six raised beds and the flat garden area behind my patio. Although I usually prefer writing with a pen, I use a pencil for this task because I know there will be a great deal of moving and reorganizing, and the eraser will be a useful tool. When diagramming, my goal is to arrange vegetables from similar plant families together, do as much companion planting as possible (ex. basil deters pests and disease from tomato plants), and not plant the same type of vegetable in the same spot as the year before (this helps keep the soil nutrient rich and deter pests). I draw out not only where each kind of vegetable will go, but also where each variety of that vegetable will go. For instance, I might draw three straight rows, one for red beets, another for golden beets, and the final one for candy stripe.

This year, however, I threw caution to the wind and didn’t make a plan. Not only that, but I planted rather willy-nilly. I spread many of the seeds in the same manner that one might scatter bread for wild ducks. With a shake of the wrist, three kinds of beets, two kinds of carrots, two kinds of kale, and a rainbow assortment of chard will grow together in one bed in a heterogeneous hodge-podge.

There’s something both freeing and terrifying about stepping out of my comfort zone and at the same time, for all intents and purposes, breaking the “rules” of organic vegetable gardening. I’m not sure what overcame me.

Standing in the jungle a few years ago

Was it boredom? The midday sun was rapidly gaining on me and I knew that within an hour it was forecasted to be 100 degrees, and crouching over the soil was getting tedious and hot.

Was it busyness? Did I have too many other things on my plate that planning and carefully planting my garden felt like too much of an imposition?

Was it wisdom? Had I finally realized that I wasted hours diagramming when nature has a mind of her own regardless of my plans? No matter how hard I try to keep things orderly in my garden, every year I end up with an untamed jungle. So, why not give in to the chaos rather than fight it?

Only time will tell how I will feel about this decision once the plants begin to grow. Will each of my garden beds be filled with plants of varying shapes, sizes, and hues that create a harmonious whole, or will I end up with a disorganized mess and a tiny harvest? Sheer genius or a recipe for a garden disaster?

I’m a thinker. I’m a planner. I’m an analyzer. I’m usually methodical in my approach to my life. This has mostly been a boon; however, there are many times when I could use more action. Perhaps my garden this year has sacrificed itself to allow me an opportunity to practice “jump now, look later.”

Despite the lack of order, the harvest is always bountiful

Gardening can teach us a lot about life. Sometimes we make plans and life takes us on a completely different path, just like how my garden turns into a jungle every year, no matter how much I try to organize and tame it. But, there’s always a delicious harvest. In my younger years I imagined that by now I’d have a house full of children and a loving husband, but never in a million years would I have dreamed that I’d have a cookbook published by a major publisher and distributed around the world.

Has your life gone according to your plan? What is different than you expected? What is infinitely more wondrous? Even if you feel like you’ve ended up with a disorganized jungle, is the harvest still good?

Garden Jungle Salad

(Dilled Cucumber, Snap Pea, and Tomato Salad)

One of the best things about planting a vegetable garden is imagining all the amazing meals that will come from its bounty in the months to come. This simple, delicious, and fresh salad is a quintessential garden salad. Most of the ingredients can be picked right out the back door. It’s wonderful at picnics. 

Serves 4

3 hardboiled eggs, peeled and cut
8 oz. snap peas, stringed, blanched, and cut into thirds
1 English (hothouse) cucumber, thinly sliced
8 oz. grape tomatoes, cut in half lengthwise
1 bunch of dill, roughly chopped
2 Tbsp. capers
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
½ tsp. sea salt

To boil the eggs, place them in a small pan covered with at least an inch of cool water. Bring to a boil. 10-15 minutes of boiling is a good rule of thumb. Immediately plunge the eggs in cool water to stop the cooking.

Meanwhile bring another small pan of water to a boil. String the snap peas. To blanch the snap peas, put them in the boiling water for 1-2 minutes. Immediately drain and rinse with cool water. Slice them into halves or thirds (depending on their size) at an angle.

Slice the cucumber, cut the tomatoes in half, chop the dill. In a large bowl combine the snap peas, cucumber, tomatoes, dill, and capers. Peel the eggs and cut them into dime or nickel-sized pieces and toss with the vegetables.

In a small bowl, whisk the olive oil, lemon juice, and salt together. Drizzle over the salad and toss. Enjoy!

 

Carpe Diem

Carpe diem

Seize the day

Live for today

You live only once

Grab the bull by the horns

These oft repeated directives remind us to make the most of each moment. They tell us to squeeze every last drop from an experience and live boldly and joyfully. Why sit back and watch when we could participate! And, why toil when we could revel!

Unfortunately, most of us don’t actually live this way. We have excellent reasons and excuses for perpetually putting off seizing the moment. Perhaps this isn’t true for you, but it’s certainly true for me. Whether it’s a looming deadline, piles of e-mail, or baskets of laundry, there’s always something I “have to do” demanding my time and attention. I love my work and I can even find joy scrubbing the toilet and pulling weeds, but sometimes we have to be willing to relinquish the “shoulds” and the “have tos” in order to make room in our lives for the “wows” and “totally awesomes.”

A balcony in the sun-drenched South of France

When I look back on my life, the experiences that have had the greatest impact on me happened when I took advantage of every opportunity as though it might never present itself again. These have also been some of my happiest times. For instance, when I did a Junior-Year-Abroad in the South of France, I knew I only had eight or so months to learn as much French as possible, stroll the farmers’ markets, travel in Europe, and make new friends. I didn’t sit around and watch TV all evening, as I sometimes do now. Instead, I lounged in cafes, meandered along cobblestone streets, and spent weekends on the train exploring quaint villages. Although I wasn’t there even 12 months, I fit years worth of living into that short sojourn. The colors, scents, sounds, and people will be with me for the rest of my life.

My favorite fountain in Aix-en-Provence

In contrast, a few weeks ago, I went to the downtown area of my little town to pick up some food for a friend with the flu. Although the historic town square with trendy boutiques and great restaurants is only a couple blocks from my home, I realized it had been months since I’d visited. I live in the heart of California wine country, yet I rarely take advantage of my location. The people who spend a week here on vacation actually experience more of this beautiful area than I do.

When we’ve been somewhere for a long time, it’s easy to become complacent. There’s always tomorrow, next month, or next year. Having constancy can be a blessing, but also it can keep us from getting the most out of every day and even the most out of our lives. I often get caught up in the mindset of “so much to do – so much to do” and forget that in order to lead the life I want to lead, it’s important to make room in my life for madcap fun, in whatever form it takes. A life-altering experience need not take time, money, or be complicated.

One of the tree-lined streets in my sweet town

Although it might feel like a bit of a cliché, I think it’s important to take the “rocking chair test” from time to time. That is, imagine yourself as an old woman (or man) gently swaying in your chair. What will you remember? What will be the most poignant? What actions will have had the greatest impact? What will you regret? What will you be grateful for?

Although I find great pleasure in savoring the simple moments in life, such as my morning cup of tea or the way the dew looks on the grass when the sunlight hits it, I’m also realizing that if I spend more time acting as though there were an expiration date on my time in this home, in this town, with these people, doing this job, I might be able to squeeze even more zest out of my life.

Have you ever noticed how we often wait until something is nearly finished before we appreciate it? What steps could you take today to have more fun and make the most out this very moment?

Pastis Chicken

When I prepare this dish, which I’ve loosely based on a traditional Provençal dish, I’m instantly transported to Aix-en-Provence, where I spent a year studying French literature. With each bite, I feel my being flooded with the hot sun, the scent of lavender, and the unbound joy I felt while there.

This recipe makes two very hearty servings, but you can easily stretch it to serve four by adding two additional chicken breasts. There will be slightly less sauce for everyone to dip their bread in, but there will still be plenty of goodness to go around.

Serves 2-4

¼ cup olive oil
1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
6 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
2 lg. fennel bulbs, cored and thinly sliced
1 tsp. saffron threads, crumbled
5 Roma tomatoes, chopped
1 Tbsp. tomato paste
3 Tbsp. pastis (also goes by the brand names, Pernod or Ricard)*
½ cup good black olives (preferably not kalamata—too salty)**
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
sea salt

To garnish:
Chopped flat-leaf parsley

*Pastis is a traditional Provençal anise liqueur. If you can’t find it, the recipe will still be delicious without it.
**I typically use the olives my dad makes, which are halfway between green and black and somewhat vinegary, though any good olive will work. 

Over medium heat in a large saucepan, sauté the onions and garlic in the olive oil with a pinch of salt until soft and translucent, about 10 minutes. To layer flavors, continue to add pinches of salt throughout the cooking process, being sure to taste as you go. Meanwhile, core and slice the fennel and soak the saffron. Saffron releases its flavor in moisture, so the best way to get the most out of this precious seasoning is to crumble the filaments between your fingers into a tiny bowl and soak them in a small amount of warm water (1-2 tablespoons). Add the fennel to the onions and sauté for 20 minutes or so to caramelize them. Add the saffron and soaking liquid, tomatoes, and tomato paste and stir to combine. Increase the temperature to medium-high and simmer until a luscious sauce is formed, about 5 minutes. Reduce to medium heat. Mix in the olives and the pastis. Put the chicken in the pan and cover with the sauce. Cover the pan and gently simmer until the chicken is cooked through (internal temperature 165ºF), about 20 minutes, though the time will vary based on the thickness of the breast. Do not over cook. Garnish with chopped parsley and serve with boiled potatoes and good French bread for mopping up the sauce. Bon appétit!

 

Not All Dreams Are Meant to Come True

Do you ever find yourself yearning for something that never seems to manifest? There might be a simple reason why it’s not coming to fruition…

Each spring I find there’s a palpable joy that courses through my body. It’s the kind of joy that can’t necessarily be attributed to any one thing in particular; rather it’s the sense of possibility that permeates everything, even the air. Bright green leaves unfurl on the trees and colorful flowers are everywhere. Songbirds fill my ears with their beautiful melody and the ground is soft and fertile.

I love the beautiful irises in the spring

One of my favorite springtime activities is planning my summer vegetable garden. Last night while reading the Baker Creek heirloom seed catalog, I found myself wishing I had a greenhouse (something I wish every spring). With a greenhouse, I could start tomatoes, peppers, and eggplants from seed, rather than buying them as plants from a nursery. I’d have more choice of shape, size, color, and flavor, instead of choosing from the select few plants available locally. I could also grow lettuce in the winter and maybe even curl up in it for a catnap on cool but sunny spring days.

For many years I’ve dreamed of living off the land. I fantasize about growing and drying beans, canning and freezing fruits and vegetables for winter, and maybe even knitting warm sweaters from the wool of my own sheep. I envision rustic baskets brimming with fresh produce and a large country kitchen filled with the intoxicating scent of drying herbs and fresh baked bread. Just picturing this scene fills me with a warm, happy feeling.

Sometimes, however, dreams don’t come true because we don’t actually desire what we envision. Often, we want to want a particular fantasy because of the feeling it gives us, or we want to be the kind of person who would do or have such a thing; yet, it’s not truly our heart’s desire. Although the idea of spending my days harvesting sweet strawberries with a large brimmed sunhat and shucking corn on a covered verandah fill me with delight, I also know that I’d eventually tire of kneeling in the strawberry beds and would probably long for a night out on the town and a good manicure.

I still want a greenhouse (though I don’t have anywhere to put it), but I also wonder whether I would actually take the time to plant seeds and nurture them with the love and care they need to grow into strong, healthy plants when I could just go to the nursery instead.

Blackberry cordial? Pie? Jam? The possibilities are endless!

It can be a valuable exercise to evaluate your fantasies, desires, and wishes, and then ask yourself why they might not be coming to fruition. There are many reasons why the life of your dreams might not be manifesting, but one very probable explanation is that you actually don’t want them to. It can be beneficial to spend time thinking about the reality of your dreams. For me, the reality of living a subsistence life would mean that I probably wouldn’t have time for other endeavors, such as writing and traveling. So, subconsciously I haven’t pursued this path. 

Additionally, usually at the root of our desires is a deeper emotion or feeling we’re yearning for. In my mind I’ve equated homesteading with creativity, freedom, and joy because some of my happiest memories include carefree summers working on farms and finding delicious ways to make use of the bounty in the garden. Now that I know what this dream represents, I can seek out those qualities in other areas of my life. 

What are your fantasies? How would your life be different if they manifested? Do you really want them to come true or do you only want to want them? What are you really yearning for? 

Bo’s Banana Maple Mystic Mini-Muffins
(Gluten-Free and Dairy-Free)

I’m attracted to living off the land because I’ve invented a fantasy in which it provides lots of tranquil time in nature and lots of time to create, which probably is quite far from the reality. There are, however, ways that I can integrate more of those qualities into my current life.

For instance, my friend, Robert Holden (author of Loveability), recently requested a Mystic Chef muffin recipe that he could make with his daughter Bo. Excited by the chance to be creative while writing a new recipe, I rolled up my sleeves, put on my apron, and got to work mixing and blending my way to muffin nirvana.

These muffins are filled with love and joy, and that is the true alchemy of food…the ability to share love while nourishing the mind, body, and spirit.


Makes 48 mini muffins

1 ¼ cup brown rice flour
¼ cup potato starch (not flour)
2 Tbsp. tapioca flour
1 tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. sea salt
1/3 cup coconut oil, melted
2 eggs
½ cup almond milk
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
¾ cup maple syrup
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (2 bananas)
¾ cup diced walnuts
¾ cup sweetened shredded coconut

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.

In a medium bowl, combine the brown rice flour, potato starch, tapioca flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

In a small pan over low heat melt the coconut oil. In the bowl of a standing mixer, combine the coconut oil, eggs, almond milk, vanilla, and maple syrup. Mix on medium-low until fully combined. Add the dry ingredients and mix on medium-low. Mix in the mashed banana. Stir in the walnuts by hand.

Grease your mini muffin tins. Use a small spoon to fill the tin ¾ full. Sprinkle the top with coconut. Bake until golden, about 15 minutes.

Remove the muffins from the oven and cool on a rack, in the muffin tin. When the tin is cool enough to touch, remove the muffins from the tin and cool completely.

 

 

Yes!

On top of a mountain in Mexico

What if you said, “yes” to every invitation, request, and opportunity? What if instead of spending time and energy making excuses and avoiding people and experiences, you simply said, “yes”?

This is the premise of a Jim Carrey movie called Yes, Man. His character puts great effort into avoiding his friends and saying “no” to everything. He does this because it’s more comfortable to be unhappy. However, after being dragged to a self-help workshop, he makes an oath to say, “yes” to everything. From there we see how his life begins to unfold in exciting new ways.

By saying “yes,” he opens himself to an entirely new world filled with fun, joy, and adventure. By the end, however, he learns the important difference between saying yes because he wants to and saying it because he thinks he has to. “No” is an equally powerful word. Being genuine and authentic and saying “no” when that’s what you mean is vital to living a balanced life.

I was thinking about the power of “yes” last week while flying to Chicago. “Yes” can mean being willing to go with the flow and accept whatever comes your way. Often when you resist something that’s going to happen regardless, you create needless stress, discomfort, and frustration.

The green hills on the Central Coast of California

My heart was racing as I drove to the airport. I’d left my house later than planned, and I was worried I wouldn’t get there in time. As I was looking out the window at the beautiful green hills, I remembered a saying my mom taught me when I was a little girl: “Right place, right time.” I repeated it over and over again in my head. It’s an affirmation that you’ll always be exactly where you need to be when you need to be there. At that very moment, I received a call from United Airlines…my flight was delayed! Wow, going with the flow really works! 

At the airport, when I approached the desk, I cheerfully announced, “It must be my lucky day, I’m the only one in line!” The man gave me a quizzical look as if to say, “Yeah, right…lucky? Ha! Your plane’s delayed.” When he told me that I’d most likely miss my connection and would have to spend four hours in Los Angeles. I said, “Well, I was wondering when I’d have time for lunch. Now, I know that I’ll definitely be able to grab a bite to eat!” Since I knew there was nothing I could do about the missed connection, I figured I might as well simply say, “yes” to the experience.

Offhandedly, I mentioned that arriving in Chicago so late would be difficult for the friend I was visiting because she has young children. Within minutes he had me booked on another airline with an arrival in Chicago only 20 minutes later than originally scheduled! I’m certain he wouldn’t have done this had I been cranky, but since I was willing to go with the flow, there was a certain grace to the events of my day.

Snow in Chicago

There are, of course, times to say, “no” and there are times to fight for your needs. I’m not advocating simply being “nice” or letting yourself be pushed around. What I’m talking about is a genuine desire to say “yes” to what is when that’s the best course of action. When you say, “yes,” you become an active participant in the adventure rather than a victim to circumstances beyond your control. And when you do so, you’ll start to notice that things begin to manifest in wondrous ways. Sometimes events actually change because of your newfound attitude, and sometimes they simply seem better because your perception and interpretation of them has changed.

Set boundaries, know your limits, and say “no” when necessary, but also practice saying “yes.” You never know what magic awaits you. Sometimes it’s a lot more fun to welcome life rather than keeping it at bay. This is something I’m still working on, but bit by bit, I’m getting more practiced and it’s coming to me more easily.


Coconut Chia Pudding with Pineapple Gelée

This is a dessert you can say, “Yes!!” to. It’s delicious, easy to make, and pretty darn healthy as far as desserts go. Last summer when my mom and I were in Washington, DC, we had a similar pudding at Le Pain Quotidien, and I’ve been lusting after it ever since. Since we don’t have a Le Pain Quotidien within 200 miles, I decided to create my own!

Serves 6

Pudding:
One 13.5-ounce can of coconut milk (approx. 1 ¾ cup)
½ cup water
2 Tbsp. agave*
1 ½ tsp. vanilla
1/3 cup chia seeds

Gelée:
3 cups pineapple juice (not from concentrate)**
2 Tbsp. agar agar flakes (not powder)***

Garnish:
Fresh berries, such as strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries
Sprig of fresh mint

*There’s new research to support that agave might not be the wonder sweetener we thought. However, I’ve chosen to use it here because the flavor isn’t as strong as honey. And since it’s liquid, it dissolves better than sugar.
**If you can find pure passion fruit nectar, it’s divine in place of the pineapple juice.
***I used agar agar flakes from Eden Foods, found at my local Natural Foods store. Agar sets at room temperature and sets faster than gelatin!


In a medium bowl, combine the coconut milk, water, agave, and vanilla. Add the chia seeds and mix well. Set aside. You’ll get the best consistency if you let it sit covered in the fridge overnight. The next day, divide the pudding between six 7-ounce, clear juice glasses. Aim to fill each glass approximately 2/3 full. Use a damp towel to wipe down the sides of the glass.

In a small pan, combine the pineapple juice and agar agar. Bring to a strong boil, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes (or until the agar agar is dissolved), stirring occasionally. Cool slightly.

When the pineapple mixture is cool but still not set, very gently spoon it over the pudding until the glass is nearly full (leave some room for the berries). If any chia seeds float to the top, remove them with a spoon. When firm (about an hour), top with fresh berries and enjoy! Yes!!!

 

Keeping the Balance

Recently I was hanging out with a friend who’s the poster child for “woe is me.” According to him, no one works as hard as he does and everyone else’s life is better, easier, and more fun. The more time I spent with him, the more I began to notice myself falling into this thought form as well. When he said he did x and y, I found myself wanting to one-up him with, “Well, I do x, y, AND z.” Whether we’re aware of it or not, we tend to mirror those around us.

After meeting with him, I was embarrassed to hear myself talking to another friend in much the same way. I even caught myself whining about going wine tasting with friends when what I really needed to do was organize my tax documents. On one hand, since I have very few free days in the coming weeks, I was being responsible by setting the time aside to go through receipts; yet, I also started to wonder if perhaps I’d begun to lose my sense of balance. It’s important to take time for myself, whether it’s to taste local wine, make myself a nice meal, or spend time with family and friends.

Since my “woe is me” friend talks incessantly, mostly about how busy he is and how everyone else seems to “have it made,” he misses the opportunity to see what’s around him and recognize the many blessings in his life. His rapid-fire chatter reminds me that Mahatma Gandhi said, “There’s more to life than increasing its speed.” Interestingly, I’ve noticed the people whom my friend believes “have it made” tend to work hard, but they have the ability to slow down enough to find joy and beauty wherever they are, no matter what they’re doing. Henri Matisse said, “There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” There’s always something to marvel at, but we have to be willing to slow down and look.

Take time to smell the flowers

Most of us are constantly striving, seeking, and running from place to place to accomplish the next task, reach a goal, or make ends meet. Yet, do we know what we’re running toward?

When I look at my schedule and my head begins to spin, I feel both simultaneously overwhelmed and titillated, because oddly a full calendar seems to mean I’ve reached some level of success. When I’m in the middle of it, everything I’m doing feels crucial to my success or failure, as though the world would fall apart if I didn’t respond to e-mail, return phone calls, or make every deadline. Of course, in the short term, all of this stuff is indeed important. But, beyond that, there’s a larger picture.

Perspective can be a valuable ally when striving to keep balance in your life. At the risk of sounding dramatic, if your life were to end today, would you be satisfied? What have you experienced? Are you nurturing your relationships? How have your grown? Have you made a difference? Are you living your best life in this moment? Are you enjoying the journey? How much joy and love do you experience each day?

Over the past year, my scales have been dangerously tipping out of balance, but I’m working to find my equilibrium and take time not just to smell the roses, but also to smell the soup simmering on the stove.

As a suggestion, surround yourself with people who not only support and uplift you, but also people whom you’d like to emulate. Since we tend to mirror those around us, the more you’re with people who have a good sense of balance in their life, the more peace, love, and harmony will flood your life.

 ***

Coconut Lace Cookies 

 As I'm striving to keep my balance, I’ve realized that spending time with good friends is one of the things that’s lacking in my day-to-day life. So, although my calendar is currently quite busy, I carved out a few days to go to Chicago to celebrate the upcoming birth of my college roommate’s first child. In honor of this occasion, I created these cookies for the baby shower. These dainty gluten- and dairy-free pastries seemed like the perfect sweet treat to welcome a spring baby.

Makes about 2 dozen

1/3 cup coconut oil
½ cup organic sugar (evaporated cane juice)
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
¼ cup sweet rice flour
1 cup unsweetened dried coconut

Preheat oven to 375º

In a medium bowl, cream the coconut oil and sugar together. Add the egg and vanilla and mix until fully combined. Stir in the sweet rice flour and the coconut. Roll a small amount of dough between your palms to create a walnut-size ball. Flatten it into a disc and put on a cookie sheet. Repeat. Bake on the middle rack of the oven until the outside edges are golden, about 10-12 minutes. Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheet, then remove them with a thin metal spatula. Enjoy!

 

 

The Genius of Intuitive Laziness

I’m a procrastinator. This is not, however, an identity that I readily welcome. I see myself as someone who gets things done and doesn’t waste time avoiding when I could be doing. But, the unfortunate truth is that frequently I put off things like taking out the trash, paying bills, and going to the gym. Why do today what I could do tomorrow, right?

In many areas of my life I’m organized and efficient, but in others I successfully postpone the inevitable. I’m discovering, however, that sometimes what we perceive as procrastination is actually our higher-self telling us that we’re not yet ready for what’s to come.

Lazy or wise?

For instance, for 26 years I’ve been meaning to see the film Babette’s Feast. Yes, that’s right. 26 years. It won the Academy Award for best Foreign Film in 1987. Although I was only 9 years old that year, adults told me I would love this film since it’s about a meal that changed lives. But I never saw it. Six years ago someone gifted me the DVD, but it remained in its original cellophane. It wasn’t a good time, I wasn’t in the mood, I already knew the story… I always seemed to have a reason not to view this movie that everyone told me I should see.

I finally saw it last night. And, of course, it was magnificent. There was a reason I’d waited so long. I hadn’t been ready. All these years of so-called procrastination were actually, in a way, an incubation period. Although I’ve always been passionate about cooking, it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve come to fully comprehend the extent that food affects us emotionally and spiritually, not just physically. As a result, the film spoke to me on a deep level. I profoundly understood Babette’s need to create and share this gift, and I fully grasped the effect her meal had on the pious puritans with whom she lived. There was a message in the film for me. But only now was I open to it.

There have been many times in my life when I’ve put something off only to realize later I wasn’t just being lazy. Instead, it turned out that intuitively I knew I wasn’t ready to open the floodgate into whatever would come next. For instance, last spring a minister friend, who knows how much I long for a family, offered to add me to her prayer wall. In order to better focus her intention, she asked that I tell her specifically what I was looking for in a life partner. You would think I would jump on this opportunity. However, I kept finding reasons why I couldn’t make the list.

My list...though now I realize it needs to be more specific

At first when she offered, I was in the middle of an intense catering job, and I didn’t want to just dash off a list without giving it much thought. Then, throughout the summer, I kept coming up with reasons why it wasn’t a good time. But then I realized…I’d been subconsciously stalling. I knew how powerful her prayers were, and on some level I knew that if I sent her the list, my man might materialize before I was ready. I’ve dreamed about finding a man for as long as I can remember, but the time hasn’t been right. I needed these years to become myself first. I feel as though I’ve been in a chrysalis stage, and I’m just now ready to emerge from my cocoon.

Are you a procrastinator? Some things just have to get done, regardless. However, other times, when you find yourself consistently and fervently putting something off, it might we worth examining why you’re avoiding it. Perhaps you’re just being lazy, but sometimes there’s a greater reason and understanding it can be powerful.

Eggs ’n Veggies

I love grocery shopping, but sometimes I even put that off. However, no matter how low the coffers get, I can almost always whip up some Eggs ’n Veggies. It’s healthy, delicious, and simple to throw together with whatever you might find in your refrigerator. I especially like using leafy greens such as kale, chard, or spinach, but roasted potatoes, steamed broccoli, asparagus, mushrooms, and even tomatoes can make a tasty meal. (Leftover spaghetti works too!) This is a healthy breakfast, but it can also be a satisfying lunch or dinner.

Vegetables
Olive oil
Eggs

If using broccoli, potatoes, or other slow-cooking vegetables, it’s generally easier if they’re pre-cooked. This dish is a great use for leftovers. Sauté the vegetables with olive oil over medium heat until fully cooked (or warmed, if using leftovers). Crack the eggs on top (two per person is a good rule of thumb). Cover. Cook until the whites are cooked and the yolks are set. Enjoy!

This is Eggs 'n Veggies with kale and roasted potatoes. Experiment to find your favorite combination of veggies.

These are eggs from my chickens who've been foraging in my garden. That's why the yolk is so orange.

The Dance Floor or the Balcony

Are you the kind of person who gets groovy on the dance floor, or do you watch from the balcony?

For most of my life, I’ve been an observer. I’ve watched my life play out in front of me in the same manner that a cameraman frames the scenes in a movie. For instance, one afternoon when I was a young child, my mom spied me through the front window. I was sitting on the porch watching the neighborhood children frolic in the garden. Concerned, she ran outside to ask why I wasn’t playing with them. I told her that I preferred to watch because I didn’t want to soil my clothes. My mom, who didn’t care if I got dirty, was perplexed, but she let me be. 

In high school I took up photography. Although I loved the artistry involved in taking and developing beautiful photographs, it wasn’t long before I also came to love how the lens allowed me to be one step removed from the action. As I viewed the world from a distance, I was able to be both engaged and disengaged at the same time.

Observing the world around me (photo by Denise Linn)

Being a consummate observer has many benefits. It provides a wonderful way to gain insights about people, relationships, and life in general. And, it’s much less messy. Rather than getting torn and bruised in the fray, I’m able to control my surroundings and get involved on my own terms. Standing on the balcony and gazing at those on the dance floor, however, also means that while there’s less opportunity for hurt, there’s also less opportunity for connection and belonging.

Although in my adult years I’ve made a greater effort to waltz onto that metaphoric dance floor, I still find myself from time to time climbing the stairs back to the comfort of the balcony.

Busyness is also a way that I’ve remained separate and in that comfortable place of observation. Although I want more than anything to feel connected, sometimes when a friend invites me out for a drink or a movie, I find myself declining because…I’m just too busy. It’s true. There’s a lot going on right now, and sometimes my head spins out of control trying to keep up with everything. But, the truth is, there’s always time for those we love, if we choose.

Getting groovy on the dance floor

While spending my life observing others, I’ve seen both unbridled joy and heart wrenching heartbreak in their lives. Meanwhile on the balcony, life remains pretty good. It’s safe, dependable, and controlled. To find love, however, I’m realizing it’s necessary to mingle on the dance floor. Although I don’t particularly agree with “No pain, no gain,” I understand what it’s getting at. In order to feel profound connection and unparalleled happiness, it’s necessary to play a leading role in my own life. The thought of an unknown outcome is terrifying. What if I’m not accepted? What if being vulnerable leads to something that doesn’t fit the narrative I’ve written for my life? What if it’s just too painful? And, the fear of giving up control: Who will man the camera if I transition from director of photography to leading lady in the film of my life?

Wouldn’t that little girl sitting on the porch watching the other children have had more fun rolling in the mud and smelling the sweet scent of spring flowers?

Are you an observer or a mingler? Are you on the balcony or on the dance floor? Where would you like to be? There are disadvantages and advantages to each, but sometimes we need to be willing to listen to the music and start tapping our feet in order to open the door to true happiness.

Heavenly Heart Canapés

 

When you’re on the dance floor, you’ll need sustenance. And since you’ll be grooving to the tunes and engaging with the people around you, you’ll want easy to eat and incredibly delicious finger foods. These are the perfect canapés for your next gathering. They are a harmonious blend of sweet, salty, and tangy. Plus, they’re gluten free!

Makes about 3 dozen

20 hazelnuts (about ¼ cup), toasted, skinned, and split in half

¾ cup brown rice flour
¼ cup potato starch (not flour)
3 Tbsp. tapioca flour
1 tsp. sea salt
1/3 cup coconut oil (in its solid state)
1 lg. egg
3 tsp. water

½ cup apricot jam
1 vanilla bean, scraped
3 oz. goat cheese


Preheat oven to 350ºF. 

Toast the hazelnuts on a baking dish in a 350-degree oven for 10 minutes. (While the hazelnuts are in the oven, jump ahead to making the pastry.) When the hazelnuts are cool enough to handle, wrap them in a clean dishtowel and rub. This will remove the skins. Carefully, split each nut in half.

In the bowl of a standing mixer, combine the brown rice flour, potato starch, tapioca flour, and salt. Add the coconut oil, egg, and water. Mix on medium-low until fully combined and the dough starts to come together. Turn off the mixer and gather the dough into a ball. If the dough is too dry, use wet hands to do this.

With your palms, press the dough into a flat disc. Place the dough between two pieces of wax paper and with a rolling pin, roll the dough until is about an 1/8 inch thick. Remove the top piece of wax paper. Use a 2-inch heart-shaped cookie cutter to make about 3-dozen hearts. Using an icing knife or thin spatula, transfer the hearts to a baking sheet. Bake for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, with a sharp knife, make an incision lengthwise in the vanilla bean. Scrape the interior. Mix the vanilla with the apricot jam in a small bowl. Set aside.

Remove the hearts from the oven. Using an icing knife, generously coat each heart with the vanilla apricot jam. Put a dollop of goat cheese on top of each one. Return the hearts to the oven and bake another 15 minutes, until the jam is bubbling and the pastry is golden.

As soon as you remove the hearts from the oven, put a hazelnut (cut side up) on top of the warm goat cheese. Allow to cool. Enjoy!