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Photographs by Meadow Linn

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Everything Will Be Okay

I’ve been trying to write this article for a week. After a few paragraphs, I’d decide to scrap what I’d typed, and I’d start over, again and again. Usually my fingers fly over the keys. But not this time. Why couldn’t I get this right? Why wasn’t it working?

When I took some time in nature to be still and listen to the whispers from my soul, I realized I kept butting my head against the wall because I was circumventing the things I most wanted to write about but was afraid to share.

When I realized this article would be posted on Savor the Day’s sixth birthday, I decided to go for it. One of the greatest gifts I’ve received from writing this blog is vulnerability. It’s been through the writing process that I’ve become increasingly comfortable sharing from my heart about my hopes, dreams, and fears. This is not a natural state for me. Throughout my life I’ve played my cards pretty close to my chest. Writing Savor the Day, however, has unlocked the door, and I’ve walked through the gateway into a world where I’m willing to show my proverbial “man behind the curtain.” The Great Oz may seem all-powerful, but it’s the man behind the curtain who is genuine.

Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this. Six years ago I started this blog because I loved food and writing, and it seemed like something fun to try. I had no idea that the greatest gift I would gain would be so personal.

So, here it is. I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Due to a number of different circumstances, I’m being forced to leap from the comfort of the cocoon I’ve wrapped around myself and navigate yet unchartered territory. I currently have no home (I’m living with my parents while I catch my breath, but their house is on the market, so this is only extremely temporary). And, I’m learning to fly solo as I grow my business. I feel like a log adrift at sea that has completely surrendered to the ocean currents. Someday I will wash ashore, but for the time being I’m bobbing up and down with each swell. In this time of uncertainty, I vacillate between terror and extreme excitement for all that awaits me in the next phase. Some days I’m filled with so much hope I can barely contain it; yet, other days the tears prick at my eyes ready to fall with only the slightest provocation.

I look at my friends who have families and successful careers and wonder what the heck I’ve been doing with my life. How can I be 38 years old and still feel like such a kid?! How can I not own a home, be married, have children, nor know where I’m going in my professional life. I know that’s crazy talk, but sometimes the gremlins sneak in. The truth is…I have an amazing life, but on the teary days, it can be easy to lose sight of this. My path may be more circuitous, but I wouldn’t trade places with any of my friends. Although I worry that my window to have children is becoming increasingly small, I also know that my life is unfolding just as it’s meant to.

For those of you’ve who’ve been following my “where should I move” dilemma for the past year, I’ve finally answered that question! I’m going to move back to Los Angeles. However, that’s all I know. My life feels like a puzzle. Each puzzle piece depends on another. I’m moving there because it’s where my heart is leading me (more on that at a later time), but there’s a lot to figure out before I can make it happen, which is both exciting and daunting. However, time is running out. I’ve been waiting for a long time for the wind to blow me to a safe harbor, but I need to pinpoint my North Star and start rowing myself ashore.

I’m scared shitless about how I’m going to support myself financially through all of this, but I’m pretty sure that once I choose my path, what I need will fall into place. This may mean getting a day job for added security and it may mean putting myself out there in ways that are out of my comfort zone, but I will know what I’m working toward, and that will be the North Star that illuminates my journey.

What are you afraid to share? If you could tell just one person something about you that no one else knows, what would you say? What excites you and scares you? What is your North Star, and where is it taking you? Everything is happening for a reason, which will become clear once the puzzle pieces are each put into place. If you are also going through a time of transition, know this... Everything will be okay!

Grilled Cauliflower “Popcorn”

There is power in simplicity. The more life feels scattered and out of control, find simplicity in the things you can control. This dish is so simple and easy to make. It’s delicious as a snack or as a side. It will convert anyone into a cauliflower lover!

Serves 4

1 head of cauliflower, torn or cut into pieces
¼ cup ghee or olive oil, plus more for drizzling later
artisanal salt, such as Celtic, Himalayan, or smoked alder (my favorite for this dish)


Special equipment:
 Grill topper (this keeps the cauliflower from falling through the grate)*

Preheat gas grill on medium-high. Put the cauliflower in a large bowl and massage it with the ghee or olive oil. Sprinkle with salt, and toss to combine. Grill the cauliflower on the grill topper for approximately 15 minutes (time will vary depending on the size of your florets), turning occasionally. Before serving, drizzle with a bit more ghee or olive oil and add salt to taste.

*This is the grill topper I purchased. This is not an affiliate link. I do not make money if you click here. I'm not endorsing this product. This is just in case you were curious what the heck a "grill topper" is =). http://amzn.to/1BAotMShttp://amzn.to/1BAotMS